Oh How Things Change

For the past 5 or so years, the years in which I thought and planned on becoming pregnant, I always had opinions or ideas on how things would go for me. I was set in my way on things like epidurals, breastfeeding, and parenting. But as my pregnancy progressed things started to change. I’m not sure what it was. I have been reading about pregnancy and babies for a long time, so it couldn’t just be a matter of knowledge and learning. Something has changed in me. People tell you pregnancy and parenthood changes you. I never wanted to believe it but I guess it’s true. Maybe I have just realized that life isn’t all about me.
I had always planned on getting an epidural as soon as I could. I was terrified of the pain and had no desire to take after my mom and go natural. And then suddenly towards the end of pregnancy I began to second guess this decision. Some of my choice did come from books I read about child birth and some came from the child brith class I took. I also began to question an epidural from hearing about experiences from other mothers on message boards.
The fact was that I really wanted to avoid the possible side effects, no matter how remote they are. The last thing I want is a spinal headache, nerve damage, or any other side effects. I also didn’t take to keenly to the idea of being stuck in bed through the entire labor process or the fact that I would need a catheter. I’m still not sure whether or not I will be able to manage my pain without and epidural but I plan to try my best. If worst comes to worst I will get the lightest epidural I can and live with it. I know that it is impossible to predict what will happen in labor and that I can’t possibly make a choice and think it will just workout perfectly. But my plan is to go natural.
The other major thing that has changed for me is my opinion on breastfeeding. Ever since I was a teenager I have had no desire to breastfeed at all. Not even in the hospital in the first couple of days after my baby is born. But early in my pregnancy my husband brought up how good it is for the baby and that I should at least give it a try. I thought, yeah right that’s easy for you to say, you’re not the one that will have cracked and bleeding nipples or breasts that sag to your waist. Soon my sister brought up the fact that breast change with age and whether you like it or not they will begin to droop anyways. I also read about how correct positioning and other techniques can help you avoid as much pain during breast feeding. And whether I like it or not my breast have already began to change while I have been pregnant so why shouldn’t I just give it a shot.
All I really know is that I have hopes and plans and that life will just happen. Maybe breastfeeding will be a piece of cake, maybe it will be a nightmare. Maybe I will handle the pain of childbirth like and champ or maybe I will cry like a baby. All I know is that I’m not the only one that matters here anymore and I am ok with that. So my breasts may be changed forever and so what if things in the labor room are vastly different from what I planned. I am going to have a beautiful baby girl and a wonderful family. That’s what really matters.